like, seriously

While turning 31 isn't as much of a milestone as turning 30, or even enjoying that final year of one's 20s, because I've written about birthdays the past few years, I thought I'd maintain the tradition. When I was a teenager people always thought I was actually much older. I once convinced a couple of guys that I was 18 after they guessed I was 25. I was 16. And I don't write this to brag but it seems like over the past few years that trend has reversed slightly. So I thought I'd share my secrets to maintaining that youthful glow. For starters, over the past ten years or so I've always been at least 5 to 10 pounds over my ideal weight (i.e. high school varsity soccer playing runnin' around for two hours a day weight). If I compare passport photos - one taken right after high school, the other taken just a couple of years ago - I actually look thinner in the more recent photo even though I'm easily 15 pounds heavier than the earlier photo. Your face tends to get downright gaunt as you age, but you can offset this if you pack on a few extra pounds. A couple of extra pounds of fat would easily take half a decade off Madonna's face, for example. Secondly, I wear very little make-up. And finally, I say like. Like, a lot.

Here's to another year.